i want to write
think i’ll pick up the pen and paper

5:35am still up. i wonder how many series i can get through on netflix before this is all over and done with. now on ‘saving grace’. not my usual cup of tea but it fills the days. read in the fixator group that a kid was in his for seven and a half months. i don’t want it to come off before its ready to but damn it my knee hurts right now and i would really like to go on that vaca in september walking comfortably. well as comfortably as possible.

i might have developed an unhealthy obsession with cop/legal dramas and a random craving for ovaltine cookies. no correlation

just got an linked-in update email. everyone’s moving forward, i am temporarily at a standstill but what happens after this? where will i go from here?

in gown, still waiting…

waiting…

so…tired…need…more…sleep…

some girls have all the luck

i promised myself i would stop being lazy and post something today.

6.23 - a year since the surgery. just got back from the gym about an hour ago. the  idea of an hour long cardio workout wasn’t even close to my mind on that day. i remember being a punk, asking for my mom in recovery and having the tech hold my hand past the time she had to leave. i remember wanting to take the breathing tube out of my nose because it made me feel like i couldn’t breath but the nurses kept telling me i needed the oxygen. i remember the pain, and the pain killers. i remember waking up in the middle of the night to go the bathroom and the night nurse freaking out because i got out of bed and probably stepped down on my foot [i blame the pain killers, lol]. i remember the many days that went by this past year wondering when in the world i would get back on my feet and what would happen next. what’s next is still somewhat up in the air but at least i know how i’ll get there. on my feet and crutch free :)

haven’t blogged in a bit and i of course choose nyc at the club 2 in the morning as the best time to do it. well on that emo type mess again. i just need to accept the fact that my social experience will not be the same as others. many of my experiences for that matter. one would think by 26 this would have sunk in, but nah over here in freaking marquee at a table on freaking tumblr. fml

my older bro said it’s ok to get upset and bitch about. it’s ok for me to want to cry, and not apologize for doing so.

my brother thinks i am ridiculous for my anger, disdain, and general annoyance for all things ignorant, hateful, malicious, and my need to vocalize it.
and to a certain extent i see his point, ignorance is common but to be honest though i know people can be hateful i am still genuinely flabagasted [don’t get to use that word enough] when i encounter it.
whether it’s the random youtube commenter telling rebecca black to cut her wrists and die, the ever elusive tumblr anon spewing hateful words at an unsuspecting blogger, or the high school bullies that choose to pick on kids half their size.
let’s take a second and can someone please explain bullying to me. so i or with a group decide to spew hate and even cause harm on an individual or group of weaker individuals, because they can’t be stronger than us of course. i can never understand nor can i accept that, never.

well if it’s ridiculous for me to feel the need to share my feelings about other people’s ignorance, eh i am ok with that.

read the most ignorant comment of my life the other [well maybe not the most ignorant but it came pretty close]. i was on a black gossip website and there was a post about the new movie ‘jumping the broom’ actors doing press tours and all that. the lead actress is none other than the gorgeous paula patton. well this particular commenter seemed to take issue with that, to summarize he as a strong black man [his own description] could not understand why anyone would want to see this movie with a pretty light skinned girl who isn’t really black and married to a white man. he went on to site how this perpetuating some stereotype about the black woman, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah, again this is just a summary but you get the idea.
now i am not the biggest proponents of african american cinema, mostly for the fact that it must be singled out as such [why aren’t main stream movies called white movies in that case] but to question the ‘blackness’ of an individual due to being mixed race or who they are married to is utterly ridiculous! am i right?
i have heard it been said of people being too black and once to another that you not black enough. what does that even mean? oh you out there, definer of black, please let us know so we can fully reject each other with more ideas of bigotry.

reveling in the words of a kind stranger