today was the last day of my scheduled physical therapy appointments. more than likely my the doctor will recommend i have more seeing how i am not up and walking around yet. 

my mom took me to one of my pt appointment a few weeks ago, i guess so she can be aware of what i actually do there. you know how one person can be the mood maker of the home, it is certainly my mother. with her high blood pressure she is accustomed to getting migraines, and at those times there is a soberness that can be felt. i felt it once again on our way to pt, needless to say i could tell something was bothering her. on our way home in better spirits she decided to share with me what had been on her mind. now like i mentioned before i don’t blame anyone for what happened but i really wish she wouldn’t. what had been on her mind was the number of times over the years she has driven me to physical therapy, watched me walk inbetween those bars and struggle through the exercises. i tried to remember going to pt in nigeria, i have faint memories of those bars that i once again face but the struggle is far from my mind. she feels sorry for her poor daughter having to struggle with this my whole life but to be honest, i am grateful to be alive. i am grateful to be able to walk, no matter how slow and painful at times it may be. my struggle is nothing compared to so many others, i choose to celebrate that. to be honest when i look back when i was younger as vain as it might sound the only time i have cried about my leg was when i go shoe shopping and i cannot get a cute pair to fit. as time went on i will admit i have cried for the pain/discomfort but that shoe thing is not as big an issue. i have come to grips that sadly a louboutin pump may not be in my future [i say may not because miracles do happen]. 

i began going to pt when i came to the u.s. years ago but the therapist had told me that it wouldn’t have any affect on my muscles so i stopped going. i wish we hadn’t listened because i could have still worked to strengthen them. always get a second opinion people. 

note: post was began on 1/19/2011. since then i have began another round of pt to ween me off the crutches and i am beginning to practice using a cane. who knew it would be difficult to walk down a hallway [even had to take a break]. making me nervous about getting back on my feet and trying to get in shape. not like i was in shape before, i needed to increase my walking stamina before, now it’s kaput.  i try to push myself at pt, not wanting to take breaks, doing it till it hurts [which is actually not such a good idea] but it sucks when there is only so much i can physically do. 

one year to the day since i began this blog

one year to the day this before was taken

here lies the after. not quite finished but certainly much improved if do say so myself.

what do you think?

looks just like first vlog [lol]…eh maybe i’ll show some face next time.

didn’t write on the 23rd, would have been 6 months since surgery. still on crutches, getting annoying. feel even more fatigued easily, worried about constant weight on right leg. scared of effects of not walking. made a vlog the day after first physical therapy appointment, i should post it. did you like my first vlog? christmas has come and gone. birthday on the 27th. just another day. not really excited about much lately. need to find something to be excited about.

first personal video. do i really sound like that?

yep it has been 5 months. still not back on my feet but i am free from the cast. in a walking boot/air cast [which is so not comfortable right now]. the doc says everything looks good and he wants to see me in 2 months. the next 2 months will be all about physical therapy twice a week.

after all that the next steps will be determined, but its got me thinking - how much longer will i be at a stand still? i gave myself a year but at this rate with one surgery taking 8 months to get back on my feet, the other one could be just as long. should i get a just any job in the mean time? inCOLOR is at a stand still and other business ideas don’t seem to be working out so what do i do in the mean time? luckily i qualified for disability so i’ll have some sort of income [majority going to school loans] but i guess i’m just not use to not being productive. i mean i am done with school so now i should be beginning my real adult life right? is it realistic to keep doing nothing or should go job hunting? the screws are out and will remain so for at least 3 months. i have some thinking to do. plus this whole thing is totally putting a damper on my already lack luster social life.

p.s. my mom says she is giving me 2 years to find the one, lol

one month till the cast comes off. i feel no pain and i’m maneuvering easier but still can’t fully put weight on it. ankle feels weak when i try to do so and to be a honest a part of me is scared to. i hope that before the month is up i can at least take a few steps. physical therapy won’t begin till the cast comes off but i know i have to start trying to get back on it on my own. weird thing is i can feel the pins and whatever else they used in the ankle fusion. the other day while i was out i could feel cold metal in my foot.

i need to get back on my feet like yesterday. its been a week since i saw the result of my surgery and got the cast and i am beginning to get nervous [what else is new?]. i was told when i got my cast that i can put some weight on it and try walking but it feels uncomfortable when i do so. then the fear creeps up, that the longer i am off my foot the harder it will be for me to get back on. i have things i need to be doing and i feel so limited. i knew what i was getting myself into when i got the surgery done but still…i just need to chill out, it will take time, right?

oh and i want to do another procedure after this? lol.

never have more people stared at my leg this noticeably than today. well at least since that time i wore the short yellow dress to arundel mills without leggings. i get it, i stare at different too, but is a cast that fascinating? i had the choice between light pink, hot pink, orange, green, purple, light blue, dark blue and some other or so that i can’t remember.

back from my doctor’s appointment and it went well. i am excited, compared to before it def a vast improvement [thank God]. the toes still hang over because the ligaments are tight, so they don’t fully extend. the doc says over time with physical therapy they might loosen or he could go in cut them, fun. overall i’m excited about the results and now i need to get back on the leg so i can recover quickly and have my next procedure. no rush i guess.

i keep having thoughts that its not fixed. its all wrapped up in the splint and i can’t really see the results but i feel like it isn’t straight. i keep telling myself that of course it is, then i think what if it turned back after they removed the pins. even when the ex fix was on i didn’t feel it was straight. i mean i know it won’t look perfect but i think in my mind i thought it would exactly like the right, lol.

i am really beginning to get frustrated with myself. argh!

ex fix free and on my way home! now time to recoup before next procedure. doc says it looks good and foot stayed in place when the ex fix was out. no more club foot, glory to God.

on my way to georgetown university hospital to get the ex fix removed! [nervous]

10 more days till the ex fix comes off and i so eager its beyond words. i really can’t stand the feeling anymore. it’s not pain but i cannot exactly describe the feeling. it evokes feelings of discomfort, annoyance and utter frustration.
10 more days.